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From eggs to God

I started this whole blog fiasco rather late. Or early, depending on how you look at it. It was about 3am on 6 April when I started. At around 5:30am, I had a suitable blog with some content, so I called it good to go to bed. But before I could, my father came from his, and I promptly notified him of the inception of this blog and the conversation went from there. Half an hour later, I went to bed. Half an hour after that, I came back down.

It would seem that sleep is not in the cards for me at the moment. Of course, it didn’t help that my sister stole her sleeping bag back that I’d been using as a blanket on the same night that the weather decided to head South. I think it froze overnight. I even tried reading, but perhaps Atlas Shrugged is not the best calming read, despite what some say about Rand’s writing.

Once back downstairs, I decided to make some breakfast. So there I am, warming up a skillet to make some scrambled eggs, and I see a gimmicky $1000000 bill on top of the microwave. It was one of the promotions for God as interpreted by the Christian faith; this I had no problem with. What I wondered aloud was, “Why put Cleveland on the million dollar bill?” My father, unable to resist, came over and saw that it was so with this bill and said, “I wouldn’t.” Simple enough.

But then this man turns on his heel and, I swear, bolted upstairs. Believe me: he mooved. He comes back down with his $1000000 bill (Ruth used it to bribe him for something.) which depicted Reagan on the face; he professed his agreement with this sentiment. As it happened, the Reagan bill was also an advertisement for Christianity, although a different sub-sect as examinations of the URLs on each bill revealed.

Now, there’s a long and noble history of good-natured religious advertisement through merrymaking (think Jesus turning water to wine, here) but the idea of using human acquisitiveness as a hook for the message of salvation seems specious. Last time I checked, greed was still one of the seven deadly sins. However, as an aside, I must give the Christians some credit: both bills are clearly labeled as not being legal tender.

Personally, my favorite such advertisement is a paper coaster that we have magneted to our fridge that declares that “This is a Regular Basis. Please take care of it.” It goes on to tell you of all the things one can do on a Regular Basis, including traveling overseas. Printed on the reverse is a veritable wall of text that begins with “We all do things on a regular basis. But ther eis one thing we all do just once: we die.”

Now, this is quite clearly a Christian advertisement. But it is at the “we die.” point that I lose interest. Because, I’ll be honest, I get enough death threats walking around my high school: I don’t need a piece of paper trying to get a piece of the action.

Categories: Real Life
  1. Ruth
    April 10, 2007 at 3:27 pm

    Strangely enough, both of those bills were given to me. One randomly as I was visiting Kendra in Office Max, and one at the St. Patricks day parade. Along with the second one I also recived what looked like a valentine, like the kind you get in grade school, with the message “Do You Feel Lucky?” written across it. On the back it had the same speech.

    Oh and I needed that sleeping bag because I was camping in that freezing weather you mentioned.

    P.S. I get a lot of those JESUS!LOL pamphlets. DO I look like a heathen to you? I was in Renn Faire garb on St. Patricks Day, and everyone knows those Rennies are bad eggs.

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