Home > Metablog, Real Life > Through the spying glass

Through the spying glass

Bob, my uncle, recently wrote about a reflection in a journal of his from twenty years ago, in which he reflects on the future as he sees it from his apartment two months away from getting his undergrad degree. It’s an interesting piece for me, not only because it was written long before I was born, but also because I’ve already noticed the kind of shift in planning that brought him from where he predicted he’d be in that post to where he is now.

I’ve noticed this in my own journal, which I’ve been keeping diligently for over a year now, because I find it very fascinating to read my own timeshifted reflections on happenings. I actually started the journal during the course of a very rough break-up, because I knew that I was in a mental state that I’d never been in before and would be interested in studying later. As it happened, I did some of my most poetic writing during that time, but the subject was somewhat repetitive and dull.

Ever since, I’ve been keeping a private collection of thoughts and impressions, which change only gradually. The ability to compare two starkly different statements on the same topic is a very enlightening experience of self-discovery. The prospect of keeping a non-fiction reference document has caused me to do weird things with my journals, such as the last few having their final page dedicated to an index on which names and places are written along with the entries in which they are mentioned. I’ve also gotten into the habit of dating important papers and sticking them in between the pages so that there will be some primary sources for the information in my journals.

But years before I started writing that, I had my first blog which is a similarly interesting read for much the same reason: it is clearly my writing, but it isn’t me. It is some other me, a me from a more dramatic and alien world that I’d mostly forgotten. When I took it down because I stopped writing anything on it, I made sure to archive the whole thing to my hard drive, so I could poke around and read some old writings at any time I feel compelled to do so. Once again, there are mentions of the future contained therein that are varying degrees of wrong.

And the common theme between those flawed views of the future is that, like Bob in his journal writing, I didn’t really have any clear idea of what I wanted to do or where I was heading. But now, with college looming and the prospect of a career heading my way, I’ve actually formulated something approaching a solid plan. But I have to wonder if this too will be scuttled on the shores of fate when some unexpected even transpires.

Even now, remote eventualities that could impede my planning spring to mind, but they seem so impossible, that I’m forced to admit that I just plain have no idea. Which, when you’re attempting to plan out the next four years of your life, can get really annoying.

Then again, I could just follow in my father’s and uncle’s footsteps and just go to college and figure out a career from there.


Categories: Metablog, Real Life
  1. Marie
    April 27, 2007 at 11:53 am

    You amaze me.

  2. April 28, 2007 at 6:51 am

    When I was much younger, I used to worry about not having a plan for my life. But now, looking back on the way it turned out, I realize that my life has been full of events that would have derailed any plan. I would have ended up doing what I did anyway: improvising and hoping for the best.

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