Home > Uncategorized > XGokuPimpNinjaX is taking Combat Arms too far

XGokuPimpNinjaX is taking Combat Arms too far

This is a spiritual parody of the classic Daily Victim series, “GameSpy’s daily tribute to the millions of fine people who populate Internet culture.”

This is just too much. When does it become slavery? If I pay my workers in skittles or “fairy points”, does it count as “adequate compensation”? Because if this PimpNinja fellow is gainfully employed for denomiations of fictional exchange, the sky must be the limit.

See, in Nexon’s new free-to-play First Person Shooter “Combat Arms”, you accumulate points by playing games and not sucking (although I think there is a charity system where you get points anyways, even if all you do is pull the pin on grenades and watch the pretty lights from a meter away). And you use the points to acquire new guns and so forth, to give you new ways of acquiring more points. It’s like capitalism, but founded on a thirst for blood.

But do you flat-out buy the new guns? No. You rent them, in one, seven, thirty, and ninety day increments. Never mind the fact that, as a true gamer, this makes me feel somehow dirty, that if I put down the game, not only will my skills atrophy, but all of my in-game winnings will be taken back to the showroom by Bob from Reliable Repossessions, Inc.

And it’s also got a clan system so that you get super-benefits for playing with clan members. Of course, in keeping with the games homicidal underpinnings (and overpinnings, for that matter), the more you kill and maim — alongside your clan mates — the better your clan standing.

So, I suppose it’s the logical combination that someone would begin to rent themselves out, as though a they were a spawning, chatting, headshotting weapon that comes with its own operator. This is where XGokuPimpNinjaX comes in. For a modest fee of in-game thronegeld, he will play gun for hire on your side, as long as you keep feeding his massive budgetary requirements. After all, he keeps every weapon rented and available at all times.

It’s like having the entire stock of the local Blockbuster constantly checked out as “your DVD library”. Except, of course, when Blockbuster comes calling for payment, you don’t take your FN SCAR and head for the nearest belltower to earn your keep.

The theories are already swirling, though: some unbelievers think he’s simply myth. Those who’ve been headshotted with a hand grenade by this force of nature know better. I met one player (SgtBuzzK1LL) who insisted that he’s really a group of Nexon employees, acting as a money sink: the more available money, the more people are willing to pay for his services, the more this guy takes out of the economy, his argument goes.

I think he’s been reading too many quarterly earning reports.

One things is for sure, though: no matter where this man dials in from, he is at his core American. The game is barely out of beta, and he’s already eking out a living on it. That level of entrepreneurship hasn’t been seen since Mary Phelps Jacob invented the Brassiere and then convinced half the world that they needed them.

My helmet is off to you, sir.

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